Book Review - At Home in the Muddy water by Ezra Bayda

finished reading Being Zen a while back (4th time reading it haha) and started on At home in the muddy water... the 4th time reading it as well =)

this is the companion volume to Being Zen (see my book review on it) and it continues in the same style - of sharing the teachings of zen practice and its application to our everyday life in unfancy, simple to understand language.

the book is divided into 4 parts:

part one Ezra reminds us what spiritual life is really about - the willingness to open ourselves to whatever life presents - no matter how messy or complicated... and also discuss the basics of practice - to cultivate awareness by clarifying our mental process and experiencing the physical reality...

part two he moves on to practicing with attachments, addictions and money

part three he discuss on relationships, trust issues, sexuality, forgiveness, dealing with loss...

part four he offers advice on how to enrich and strengthen practice in the messiness of our everyday living...

what makes this book highly recommended, such a valuable practice manual that make mi reread and reread (together with Being Zen) is that Ezra clarifies what practice is in a way that is so easily to appreciate and to put to the test in everyday living and also how to practice in the midst of a wide range of everyday concerns...

there's a verse that is recited during zen meditation retreats...

May we exist like a lotus,

At home in the muddy water,

Thus we bow to life as it is

unkindness

as much as i would like to think of myself as a "kind person"...
paying attention to my life,
can't help but realise that i am jus holdin on to a "self image" that is ultimately untrue...

noticing the moments of unkindness to others...
catching the unkind thoughts, speech n actions in my life...
if mindful enough, may be able catch such negative energy "red handed"
(instead of being a post -activity reflection =P)

labeling the beliefs n thoughts that drive the unkindness...
experiencing the emotions and uncomfortable bodily sensations that accompany it...
if i could be realli mindful and attend fully to the unkindness, experiencing the "unkind energy" with precision n honesty, then may come to a point that the unkind energy "melts away", recognizing that it is just a combination of "unkind thoughts" (breaking indentification with the thoughts and hence able to drop the "unkind storyline") and intense bodily senstations and realise that the unkindness is "not all that real" either...

instead of calling myself "kind or unkind", i find it helps to just be mindful in everyday activities so that when unkindness arises i can pay attention to it and attend to it...
i think that only by attending to my unkindness that a more genuine kindness can then arises =)

lost in the world of worrying

just a while back i was caught up in a whirlwind of worrying thoughts...
something actualli quite simple, quite straight forward
something gone wrong at work
and all i need was to do a few simple things...
instead of accepting things as it as n taking one step at a time,
- my mind kept spinning in "what ifs" and fear of consequences...
and i lose "orentiation", practice never occured to mi haha
spinning in the world of worry
- everything became gloomy like a dark cloud
that covers the sunlight n my entire world become dark...

then consulted a fren on the matter n something he said triggered a relief within mi...
suddenly i rem to breath haha
breathing in... 1... 2... 3...
residing in the uncomfortable bodily sensations...
then just taking one step at a time
taking care of one task... this... then move on to that...
was the world of worrying real??
if u say its not real, i may have growled at u growllll....
if u say its real, where is it now??
i dun know...
moment to moment trying to rem to just breath, just taking care of one thing at a time...

bad mood day =P

today found myself in bad mood... much of the dae haha =P
probably past daes of accumulated busi work (still accumulating!! =P)
plus veri little sleep amt to lotz negative energy n emotions getting stored within...
was not even aware how much the negative state of mind was running my life...
until i became aware of couple of times of emotional reaction to things/people that normally would not have triggered my emotions at all...
how my emotions and bad mood colour my perceptions, thoughts and reactions!
how unkind i had been to people or events ard mi!
labelled my thinking when awareness came in, and stayed with the intense bodily sensations, there is so much negative energy coursing thru my body...
just had a sitting for 30 min, n much of the negative energy flowed on...
where is "my bad mood"? much like a bad dream...
today's experience of the whirlwind of emotions made mi taste the truth of impermanence a little more...

moment to moment - choosing to appreciate our life or to spin off into our self centered dream

i was eating my favourite chicken rice halfway n realised i was "not eating my chicken rice" anymore but "eating my self-centered thinking" haha =P

how much of my life i spend in waking sleep,
choosing to spin off into my mental world of resenting e past, worrying about e future etc...
and how little attention is given to the activity at hand, where life is right here n now...

reminding myself to return to the present moment,
to the chewing of the rice, the taste in my mouth, the tension in my body, the noisy surroundings of the hawker center...
choosing to appreciate the present moment, which is to appreciate my life...

similarly in other everyday activities,
e.g. talking to a fren, how often i choose to dwell in my own opinions and judgements than to really listen... e.g. driving my car, how often i choose to worry about something than to give my full attention to the road...

choosing to spin off into my self centered dream i miss and shut off the most important thing in life, life itself...
by choosing to stay present, we can slowly move towards living a more open, more genuine, more sincere and appreciative way of life in gratitude of the little things in life...

so moment to moment - we can choose to to appreciate our life or choose to spin off in our self centered dream and shut off from our life... its our choice =)

All i can experience and work with is what my life is right now.

That's all i can do.

The rest is the dream of ego.

~ Charlotte Joko Beck

Book Review - Being Zen by Ezra Bayda

i have read this book three times since 2002. And now i am reading it for the 4th time =)

Overall, what makes this book so valuable in my spiritual practice is the practical advice offered by the author on practicing in the messiness of our everyday living in our modern society. this book offers the nuts and bolts of everyday practice as a layperson (the author is a layperson himself, he received dharma transmission from Joko Beck - a Dharma heir of Taizan Maezumi Roshi)

the book is divided into 3 parts - the basics, practicing with emotional distress and awakening compassion.


part 1 - the basics - offers a close up look at how we are living our life. Are we seeing our difficulties as obstacles on our practice path or can we see them as the path itself? Then he goes into explaining the basics of practice - how to bring awareness into our life, how to shine the light of awareness on our conditioning and all its manisfestations. the technique of labelling and experiencing is especially helpful.


part 2 - seing emotional distress as the stuff of our practice path - this is a real gem, very rare that u will find a spiritual manual that explains with clarity and in detail on how to practice with all the emotional reactions that arises within us. working with our anger, fear, pain, distress are our practice path itself. i have found his advice immensely helpful as over the years, i have slowly but surely brought some light of awareness and understanding into these dark parts of my conditioning...


part 3 - awakening the heart of compassion - the practice of compassion and loving kindness that completes the picture of our practice. sharing his stories from his experience as a hospice volunteer, u will find plenty of heartfelt practical advice to integrate kindness and compassion into our practice...


Finally perhaps its the way Ezra Bayda writes, with clear language and simplicity, sometimes using his own stories to illustrate, that makes his teachings so accessible and helpful in my practice. This book is very much one of my "core textbook" in spiritual practice. Highly recommended reading to integrate practice into the messiness of our everyday life.

life and death is the grave matter

another version of the verse "life and death is the grave matter"

life and death are of supreme importance.
time swiftly passes by and opportunity is lost.
each of us should strive to awaken.
Awaken. take heed, do not squander your life.

verses like these help to remind mi
to keep up my spiritual practice - paying attention moment to moment, instead of spinning off
esp coupled with difficulties and obstacles in my life,
such verses reminds mi:
1. having received e spiritual teachings we shd not waste the opportunity to practice
2. esp in the face of impermanence n uncertainty in life
3. that my belief in "having/achieving/attaining such n such thing" in my life will give mi "true happiness" is ultimately not true at all
4. to learn to appreciate the people n little things in my life
5. to see things with more light-heartedness, n with loving kindness

nus buddhist society 30th anniversary lunch reflection

today i had lunch @ nusbs 30th anni lunch, and was glad to meet up with fellow alumni and current students...
in one of discussion w xiao wei n gordon, we realised many who were once veri "onz" about buddhism n spiritual practice has turned away completely and refuse to hav anything to do with it anymore...
people i thought were much "more spiritual" than myself turning away from spiritual practice completely is kinda shocking...
but actualli upon reflection, i am not that consistent myself either, i myself hav found myself on occasions, conveniently forgotten about practice for weeks (or even mths!)
when in the midst of our busi and hectic everyday life sometimes our life situation can takes us over so completely (can be either bad or good situations),
that practice is totally erased from our mind...
or when we convince ourselves practice has no use/no meaning to our current life situation...
or maybe we dun see the point of practice anymore...
or maybe we have forgetten something veri basic in our life...
or maybe we need to remind ourselves of the reality of impermanence of everything and that ultimately we have no control over the things in our life...
for mi i hav found reciting the following verse (Practice Principles @ San Diego Zen Center) on a daily basis helpful in grounding myself...

Caught in the self-centered dream, only suffering.
Holding to self-centered thoughts, exactly the dream.
Each moment, life as it is, the only teacher.
Being just this moment, compassion's way.

Chan Master Sheng-yen pass away

http://www.buddhistchannel.tv/index.php?id=48,7717,0,0,1,0

The Buddhist Channel, Feb 3, 2009

TAIPEI, Taiwan -- Taipei - Sheng Yen, one of Taiwan's four most respected Zen Buddhist masters, died of natural causes at the National Taiwan University Hospital Tuesday at the age of 79.
"He died of multiple organ dysfunction syndrome at around 4 pm (0800 GMT)," said a spokesman of the Dharma Drum Mountain, a Zen Buddhist centre established by the eminent monk.
Rated as one of Taiwan's 50 most influential people in 400 years, Sheng established the mountain retreat in Taipei County in 1989 to promote Zen Buddhism.
President Ma Ying-jeou said in a statement he was "saddened and shocked upon hearing the news" about the death of Sheng-yen, who the president said is "good at the use of language to touch people".
"The concept of spiritual conservation he advocated is not only religion but philosophy and attitude of living," Ma said, referring to the monk's relentless efforts to press for peace and a simple way of living.
"He was a highly valued and much respected master in Taiwan and we feel a big loss for his death," said Su Jun-pin, spokesman of Premier Liu Chao-shiuan.
The late master had hundreds of thousands of disciples, ranging from ordinary people to politicians and celebrities. Both incumbent President Ma Ying-jeou and his predecessor Chen Shui-bian sought advice from the master.