unkindness

as much as i would like to think of myself as a "kind person"...
paying attention to my life,
can't help but realise that i am jus holdin on to a "self image" that is ultimately untrue...

noticing the moments of unkindness to others...
catching the unkind thoughts, speech n actions in my life...
if mindful enough, may be able catch such negative energy "red handed"
(instead of being a post -activity reflection =P)

labeling the beliefs n thoughts that drive the unkindness...
experiencing the emotions and uncomfortable bodily sensations that accompany it...
if i could be realli mindful and attend fully to the unkindness, experiencing the "unkind energy" with precision n honesty, then may come to a point that the unkind energy "melts away", recognizing that it is just a combination of "unkind thoughts" (breaking indentification with the thoughts and hence able to drop the "unkind storyline") and intense bodily senstations and realise that the unkindness is "not all that real" either...

instead of calling myself "kind or unkind", i find it helps to just be mindful in everyday activities so that when unkindness arises i can pay attention to it and attend to it...
i think that only by attending to my unkindness that a more genuine kindness can then arises =)