reflections on the Chan Retreat

felt that during large part of the year,
had been neglecting practice,
too caught up in the muddy waters of everyday work n life

realised daily formal practice really matters,
a couple of days without sitting n reading,
n i realised its hard to bring the mindfulness into things i do
also realised the importance of together practice (participating in a sangha),
a couple of weeks without group practice,
n i realised its hard to maintain the practice energy alone
n realised that practice energy is inversely proportional to amt of vexations haha

it is the dawn of a new year,
i am glad i spent it in a monastery,
regain a little practice energy
n get to renew my vows:
repentance vows - all evil/bad actions i did, i repent them all
bodhisattva vows - remembering practice direction is life centered not self centered, we practice to benefit everyone, all beings, not the little self
practice vows - holding onto our self-centered thinking, onli more suffering

finally i recall this admonition during the retreat:
This day has passed,
our lives too are closing,
like fish with little water
Joy will not last.
Let us work with pure effort,
work as we would were our heads aflame.
be mindful of impermanence.
be careful of idleness.