where does the buziness go?

so buzy so buzy so buzy
crazy workin hrs, workin in wee hrs of nite, workin on weekends...
so buzy so buzy so buzy
haha oh no i am turning my blog into a zen mind complain mind blog keke =P
its so easy to lose myself in all the buziness
everything seems so impt...
everything seems so urgent...
everything seems so "muz do"
buzi little bee bzzzz...

its becoming a viscious cycle, more work more momentum to work more =P
less time meditate less momentum to sit down to meditate =P

bell sounds (u may refer to my earlier entry on mindfulness bell)
the world shatters...
breathing in... tension in the body, butterfly in stomach...
breathing out... releasing e tension, aircon humming in the backgrd...
what is this?
where is the buziness?
only big smile =D

realli the little practices like e mindfulness bell, 3 breaths practice etc (see earlier entries)
are realli so useful in daily life when buzi monster threatens to consumes whole being
the short practice breaks sprinkled over the dae (is there such a term?) are so welcome,
a serene pause between e insanity
waking up to the simple reality of just here just now,
just breathing in just breathing out =)

thinkin returns, so buzi so buzi so buzi
hahaha =)

where is the rat race?

recently been so tied up with work,
time to do some reflection on a quiet sundae nite...

the faster i run towards my goals,
the deeper i get myself buried in work,
the further i get caught in the rat race,
the more concerned i become about my promotions n prospects...

the less serenity n peace i hav in my heart,
the more i fail to appreciate life,
the deeper the feel of unsatisfied...

so do i "give it all up" to get the serenity, peace n satisfaction in life?
i dun think so... =P
because we cannot run away from life,
life will always give us "just enough" problems n difficulties, no matter where we run to,
the challenge then,
is for mi to awaken aspiration - to rem to practice!
to awaken curosity - what is this? appreciate each moment of the seemingly routine life
to awaken humor - lol =P
to awaken loving kindness - to pple ard mi (i been near tippin point lately, been scoldin pple more than my usual dose =P) and to myself hahah

dinggggg...
sound of the bell...
cut off all opposites thinking,
returning to jus this moment,
breathing in breathing out, smile =D
doing something, just do it, 100%
then where is the rat race?

3 basic fears - losing safety, loneliness n unworthiness

during yesterdae session with joyful garden sangha,
dharma discussion was about dealing with loneliness...
n i shared how i practiced (at least try to practice) with those undesired feelings of loneliness, mixed with other fears like losin safety net n unworthiness
(during a painful period when i broke up with my ex)

the inspiration that helped mi thru that "dark period" of my life
was from ezra bayda's teachings...
so here's an article by him that focus on jus this - practicing with our fears
i hope u will find it as inspiring as i did
breathing in... out... smile =)

http://www.zencentersandiego.org/global/File/articles/tricycle2009spring_fear.pdf

japanese garden wow

todae did some informal walkin meditation @ japanese garden w the joyful garden sangha...
breathing in... breathing out...
just looking at the trees, greenery, lake n open space
wow...
speechless...
the garden is beautiful, has such a nice calmness, serene n peaceful feel to it =)
never knew japanese garden is like this haha =P
its nice that s'pore still has spots like this
offering that little bit of nature amidst the concrete jungle
bet i will be back to do more walking in the garden haha =)
mmm...
shd do more walks ard the scenic/nature spots ard our little island =)

mindfulness bell on laptop - it works! =)

installed the mindfulness bell on my laptop yesterdae...
it works!

busi workin on laptop... type type
mindfulness bell... ding...
bow... 3 mindful breaths... breathin in breathin out =)
refreshing...

surfing net...
ding...
bow... 3 mindful breaths... residin in physical sensations...
feeling grounded...

playing game...
ding...
bow... 3 mindfuln breaths... woke up from e game...
wonderful =)

http://www.mindfulnessdc.org/index.html#clock

past present future

time flies again haha
now back in s'pore...
the whole overseas depolyment of 4 mths is over...
where is it?
where is my seasickness?
where are all the sleepless nite shifts?
there are onli memory traces left...
fragmentary n incomplete...

brings to mind a saying from diamond sutra

the mind of the past is ungraspable
the mind of the future is ungraspable
the mind of the present is ungraspable

what is time?
is time real?
what is real?

when i was overseas i missed s'pore so much
now that i am back after a initial excitement
its back to old routine...
where has all the feelings gone to?

typing this entry into my blog on a lazy weekend...
yawnn... feeling a little tired...
maybe time for a nap?

zzz...

2 mths out at sea - onli breath in breath out smile =)

time flies!!
i been 2 mths out at sea!
somewhere out in the roaring oceans
whooshhh...
ship rolls... ship pitches...
seasick alr =P

its so different experience n environment from home
working on shifts (sometimes workin thru the nite)
working on no ground (onli the moving platform on water)
no comfort food that i am used to back home
no weekends that i am used to go out on
even no meditation sessions to attend
breaking the norms of my "normal everyday life"
it can be realli tough at times (at least that's what my mind is screaming - ahhhh)
but after 2 mths out here, somehow, it seem normal in a "certain way"
so what is normal? my life now? or my life back in s'pore?
not knowing...
living moment to moment...
time for my nap...
zzz...

i pray for everyone's well being back in S'pore
and oh... i realli miss home... REALLI =P
but since i can't do anything about it now... (until ship sails home in 2 mth time that is)
well i guess the onli thing to do is...
breathe in... breathe out... smile... =)

deep breathe in... ... deep breath out... BIG smile =D